hot hot heat

Have you ever felt that hot, hot heat in the pit of your belly, raging a fire as a last advance notice that what you are doing is so, so very wrongwrongwrong?

That your instinctual nature is at odds with the pragmatic experience that is your life, and despite all attempts at internal cajoling, you are in a place that will certainly not satisfy you?

That heat and displeasure wound its way through me for a long time, and to be completely honest, right now it is starting to rise up, yet again. This is the heat of dreams, of pushing the goalposts beyond a current reality, striving for things that are beyond our current means and comprehension.

It is an urgent feeling, one that stands in contradiction to the events that make up the daily monotony of life, and propels you forward, chasing the next sweet taste of accomplishment. But it can also ensure that the daily platitudes of life are unsatisfying as a whole. That while your net state may be joyful and happy, discontent arises from being incongruent from your dreams.

This is the tough part, the space that many vie away from, simply because it isn’t a guaranteed comfort zone. It is hard and it requires you to wake up each and every single day, asking yourself if you want to push and strive and go beyond the seemingly simplistic nature of your predictable and safe life. You are caught in this space where your dreams and goals are HUGE. Where they are kind of scary, and there isn’t a clear map leading you to their resolution.

You have to sit down and understand what it is you want, what makes your heart sing.

You have to decide to go after it, committing yourself at all costs.

(because to fail is to fail no one but yourself… to give yourself regrets of what could have been, how you could have been, ways in which your life shapes itself differently)

You have to reverse engineer this aspirational life of yours, breaking down the dream into the smaller steps, the ones that you recommit to, each and every day.

You have to do things that maybe aren’t fun.

(changing your patterns/friendships/living arrangements/mindset)

But you know that you have to do it all, to resolve that hot, hot heat and live in a way that makes you feel genuine, authentic and alive. That it is all worth it, and that the discomfort of going against the grain is far more palatable than the acrid haze, pervasive throughout the rest of your life, of potential unrealized, internal disdain and internal regret, mourning what could have been. 

You deserve everything that can be.

Set that goalpost, love bug.