owning it

I’m sick and tired of feeling like I’m being owned. Like I’m steamrolled, trying to tread water, barely keeping it all together. Anyone who has read here for awhile knows that things have been a bit of a crazy rollercoaster ride. Sort of like standing in the sea, with the water up to your eyeballs, in the middle of a hurricane, waves crashing down over me.

I’m sick of it. When I reflect back on the past few years, I think of the story I’ve been telling myself. I was totally the victim. It was totally a fear-based story. I was at the effect in my life, rather than the cause.

It was a lot of woe-is-fucking-me.

The thing about this, although there would be a healthy overlay of positivity, knowing the tides would subside and things would get better (they had to, right?). But the important part is this: I didn’t do much to change the situation. I postponed a lot of things off to “someday” when things “calmed down” for when I had “time.”

That is being at the effect. Simply put, my life was batshit crazy, and here I am floundering around the sea like a distraught Little Mermaid when I really needed to put on my big girl bathing suit, swim to shore, build a life raft and take that goddamn sea head on. Get all Captain Jack Sparrow on its ass.

That’s being the cause. Making things happen, not letting things happen to me.

So 2017 is about that. It is an overall philosophy. It is running this ship, pounding through the waves, carrying on through it all. Or as Mark Manson says in The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, taking responsibility for what is going on, and how I show up in the world.

And this all trickles down to a number of places- health, wellness, relationships, creativity.

2017 is here, and I’m not going to fucking squander it. More Jack Sparrow, less Little Mermaid.